Karmic flashbacks

I hope I’m not too obscure with this, but the last few weeks have been karmic flashbacks to opportunities, events and even people, where I thought I’d failed, messed up, not been good enough. I’d supposedly learned a lesson, although I wasn’t always sure, and moved on. Now I’m seeing them, or should I say being shown them, as blessings in disguise–disguised no more rather. It’s funny how people will begin to talk to you about something that happened ages ago and suddenly give you insight that would have been so useful while it was happening. (for excruciating memories of failure, see here!) But I guess there’s a reason for this timing. What can I say, it’s just been really weird.

People and places that didn’t work out for me, that turned out to be a waste of time, a dead end, I now see as those ‘dodging a bullet’ situations. Like everyone else, there were jobs I wanted, relationships I wanted, goals I strived to reach. I really pushed. It wasn’t lack of ambition, preparation or effort. It just didn’t happen. And now, I understand why.

Your life’s life plan may not be your life plan.

Is there a plan?

I’m pretty cynical about signs from the universe. I second-guess everything. So I’d tend to say this way of thinking is to console ourselves: ‘if it didn’t happen, it’s probably for the best’, or the classic ‘when one door closes another opens’. But the last few weeks have been karmic inventory in a big clear way. Suddenly a whole lotta dots connected and if all those opportunities came up again, I’d run in the opposite direction. Without wanting to sound like a cheesy Instagram post, I can honestly say I’m exactly where I should be. Now, my only regret is wasting time regretting. 

I’m still not sure though if there is a higher power doing this or if perhaps my subconscious has my life more figured out than my conscious, and manages to make me swerve away from situations that would have been disastrous. Perhaps it’s a combination of both, where the inner self taps into universal energy, or Source or God, and we’re guided along our life path even if we can’t clearly see it. At least not with our conscious mind. There seems to be some inner guidance system. But how to use it isn’t it really clear to me. And I suspect it isn’t really clear to most of us. 

Meditate to get clarity and answers

Through it I’ve taken a lot of time to contemplate and meditate on these ‘aha’ moments of wisdom. This is a big part of helping those dots connect. Some information downloads were so overwhelming I deeply felt the need to sit and reflect. There was that nagging feeling of a truth, just out of reach, that I hadn’t quite got. I felt compelled to take the time to get quiet and ask what it is I was supposed to understand. Also to be grateful for those blessings in disguise. Don’t shy away from examining an event that was painful and how it’s making you feel. You’ll connect a heck of a lot of dots and suddenly a lot of things makes sense. 

Meditation or contemplation or prayer,  whatever your style, are sure fire ways to see the bigger picture. But it requires time and patience. It’s really an onion principle. When you think you’ve removed the layers and the reached the crux, you discover there’s more layers. Where’s the last layer? Does everything connect? The blessings in disguise layer is joyful, it brings a sense of peace. So I think I’m getting to the heart. But who knows? Self inquiry is indeed a life long practice. 

Astrologically speaking…

On a side note, I read recently that Saturn, the planet of karma and life lessons turned retrograde on April 29th, dredging up the past and making karma even more obvious. So if you didn’t get it the first time, your lesson will repeat and repeat, until you do. All this until September 18th. As if I needed more confirmation. 

Image: Photo by Philipp Pilz on Unsplash