I wanted to blog for a while on the energy in general, as in on’e own energy and discrepancies in one’s life and relationships. By the same token, it was impossible not to get onto energy discrepancies in relationships. I know it sounds woo-woo, but no one can say they’ve never met low or high energy people. Or that they’ve never been somewhere that either left them uplifted or drained, emptied or recharged. And that’s not your imagination. Judith Orloff has written books about this.
How to increase your energy and how to protect yourself from the energy drainers (people or places) is a blog unto itself. So is how to pull yourself out of a slump, or even how to recaliber your mindset to not let life decide how you feel, but rather leave you in charge of how you feel. It is not being the classic victim of circumstance.
Vibe and quantity
There’s energy as in vibe, type of energy. Depressed versus optimistic. And here’s the interesting thing here: your energy depends more on mindset and the way you process than the actual circumstances. That’s why, for the same event (job loss, illness, trauma, unexpected pregnancy, seperation, the list goes on) people react differently. I’m not saying life can’t be absolutely horrible and tragic. But there are the survivors and the those who go under. Why does one person have an energy factor that powers them through and someone else is crushed?
And then there is level. Of course we all want to be high energy. Wether it’s physical energy or a positive outlook mindset, it doesn’t matter, it’s the same. You can’t get anything done if you feel low. But I digress, that’s another blog.
Energy Level Discrepancies
But there’s another issue to energy levels, and that’s the difference between people. I have a lot of energy. I’m not saying I don’t slump once in a while but I’m usually doing something, I have projects. I’m excited about what’s going on and upcoming. If you’ve read my bio you know I write. I paint when I have some free time. I keep up my exercise and meditation because it feeds the energy and the creativity. This all works together.
But I wonder about the discrepancy between me and others. Or others and others. I think this is a big factor in friends and couples, even families. I think it separates people. How do you keep up with someone who has more energy, ideas, activities? I don’t claim to be the leader. That’s not what this is about. But I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. It leads to friends or partners getting on each others nerves and growing apart. One party is fed up of all the brouhaha; the other is tired of the weight.
Perhaps I’m on this because Covid seems to have highlighted this. Some people are dragging, the situation exacerbating low energy. Others are the same, even using some freed up time to start new projects or put even more energy into started ones. I see it in work teams where some members are booking more sick days and others are irritated with the overload. Or in couples, where one is even more weighed down by the circumstances while the other is going along like nothing much has changed.
My parents were a bit like this. My father takes things seriously. He worries more. An energy that can be stressful. My mother hummed along without a worry in the world. The eternal optimist. He worried she didn’t take anything seriously. She wondered why he kept worrying. It worked, probably because they were acutely aware of this difference. My love of books and creativity comes from her.
The Unbridgeable Gap
But this also happens in “normal” times. Sharing activities and projects is made difficult what one person is all in and the other is tired, discouraged, hopeless and needs to be carried. I’m sure for the latter the higher energy person is, at times a Godsend, but at others a real pain. In friendships this is manageable by limiting contact. Although how much of a friendship do you have then is a the question. But in relationships, this can be the death knell. And often we think it’s that one project or that one trip together or that one outing. We think it’s a question of preference.
But over time it becomes recurring and when you take a deeper look, it’s a question of energy factor compatibility. And, by the same token , incompatibility.
I don’t really have an answer to all this. It’s tempting to say you simply have to meet in the middle. But I suspect this won’t work long term. And it certainly won’t work when the stakes are raised and things are in high gear. I’m looking forward to your thoughts in the comments.
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